Content.

It has been a whirlwind.

Early this year I had both feet firmly on the ground, and now.. I wouldn't say I'm on cloud nine, but I guess I could say that the future that I've dreamt of is starting to take shape.

It has been a crazy rollercoaster ride.

I find myself smiling for no reason again.

I find it crazy that the cumulation of my years has come to this.

But at the same time, I know that I have matured somehow because I have not lost my sanity. I can carry my hopes and dreams and prayers and also truly believe that Allah will guide me along the way and Allah will only give what's best for me.

Also, if He doesn't give me this, imagine what better option He has in store for me..? That thought, in all honesty, is what's keeping me giddy with excitement.

I know the road along the way will be tough. And I will cry every now and then. But I guess I find peace and strength in that too.

I pray that Allah keeps my heart where it currently is, or even if it changes, it changes for the better. It has been short but a powerful lesson. Alhamdulillah <3

Feelings

Lama tak update blog, in Malay some more. But I need an outlet to write that is not Twitter. Some place yang sangat jarang orang stumble upon.

Excuse my rojak language but this is one post I don't want to proofread too much.

This has been quite a day. My morning was spent feeling empty inside and trying to get rid of the feeling. Trying to psycho myself into doing work and despite my brain being unable to function with the awful hollow feeling, I got some work done. So yeay me.

Why the awful hollow feeling...?

Because I'm trying to empty myself of feelings. So I don't feel hopeful. Or desperate. Or falling into something which I don't have control over.

Because demmit I need some amount of control for the next 2 weeks or so.

By evening that awful emptiness disappears from the core of my body - I did some more work that managed to distract me and finally forced myself to eat something substantial and also, got mad over HLP application - so I managed to feel like myself again.

Except there's still that lingering feeling, like there's a hole in my heart.

I have never felt like this before. Ever.

And here I thought feeling butterflies in my tummy and a fluttering heart is something like a malady, or maybe even a nightmare.

I felt zero butterflies. Zero flutters.

Only a sense of complete serenity. Comfort, like coming home to someone you have long missed.

This is getting quite cheesy. And this is why I need to pen this down.

Hopefully, if I can get it out of my system and see it in written words like this, I'd see just how ridiculous it sounds. And laugh at myself for being so melancholic.

So far it's working.

I am kinda proud of myself for having such control. 5, 6 years ago I could never have done this.

Maybe time does teach you a thing or two.

And thank you Allah, for this relief and respite you gave me. It is still astounding how quickly He answers my doa. Each and every one of them.

After all, He knows best. I regret nothing and I am grateful for everything.

Alhamdulillah ❤️

Learning Korean (한국어를 배우기) #1

Wow. It's been 7 months since I last updated this blog.

Life got in the way, I literally don't know what to say, bla bla bla.

Now I get to a point where I need to update this blog again - to track my progress.

Anyway - update.

I've been able to read 한글 (Korean alphabet/writing system) since 2015... I think? That was when I first visited Seoul. I bought a Korean language book with the full intention of learning the language before going - back then I have never even watched a Korean drama, not even Running Man, lol.

I only remember learning the alphabet on the actual plane to Seoul, and by the time I touched down, I sorta can read the language. Read, by slowly spelling the characters, and yes I was still bad at pronouncing them.

The Korean alphabet is really not hard to learn - like I did, you can learn it on the flight to Seoul itself (like a 7-hour journey from KL). But reading with the correct pronunciation, boy.. You're going to need a lot longer than that to be able to say things properly.

Why..? Well, let me just say the Korean language is very logical and yet it has its own crazy rules.

I guess, we must've felt the same way when we first learned English.

And that thought exactly, is what is keeping me motivated/determined to learn the language. Because I did learn a second language, didn't I..? And I consider myself fairly fluent in English.

Why I chose Korean as my 3rd language?
- Because I already learned to read the alphabet
- Because out of the 3 character-ish languages (Korean, Japanese, Mandarin), Korean is widely considered as the easiest
- Because I think the language is the cutest, seriously lol

And also.. I think the learning materials for Korean is easier to find than Japanese (hello Kdramas!). And I already tried to learn Mandarin in my university year once and dropped the class before the semester finishes lol. I felt it was THAT hard.

I've been keeping at my Korean lessons for the past month. I think I'm doing okay...... The lessons are getting harder and my brain is so scrambled from trying to learn to read, memorizing new words, understanding new sentence structures and word conjugations, and trying to pronounce things correctly with the confusing k kk gg omg.

Hangeul, if anyone's interested.

But hey, at least I'm quite lucky in the sense that when I'm tired from studying, I get to just watch whatever Kdrama or Running Man and consider that my learning session lol. And more often than not, I do learn something still, even just passively.

Maybe I'll share how I've been learning Korean.. It has not been an easy journey so far but I don't want to be a quitter (I've already quit at least 3x trying to learn the language before this zzz), so I'm keeping at it.

I really hope I can make somewhat a good progress.

Now what I really need is a proper teacher to correct my pronunciations.........

Till next time. Bye!