New mom-to-be.

To be honest, aku dah lama nak jadi mak budak lol. Sejak aku di bangku sekolah lagi, cita-cita aku ialah nak ada anak sendiri & family yang bahagia.

Tapi bila aku nak berkahwin, aku plan nak honeymoon setahun dulu. Jalan-jalan dengan husband, bercuti luar negara berdua, berkenalan since aku tak sempat 'bercinta' dengan husband lama-lama, so aku rasa aku nak spend time berdua dulu sebelum bertiga. Awww sweet nya plan aku masa tu lol.

Then, tetiba COVID-19 datang.

Kitorang kahwin mengejut, awal daripada tarikh yang sepatutnya sebab gomen announce PKP. Haaaa takut sangkut tak boleh kahwin hahaha. Majlis kahwin aku pun postpone sampai sekarang tak buat lagi.

Aku kahwin bulan Mac. Bulan Mei, UPT naik double line.

Mana plan asal nak berdua setahun tu? Ahahaha aku bagitau husband, memandangkan plan tu cancel, kita try for baby terus laa. Perfect time nak grow a baby in tummy ni since kita pun tak boleh pergi mana-mana.

Gittewww pemikiran aku lol. Dan Alhamdulillah, Allah bagi rezeki awal.

Anyway, habis cerita tu.

When I became pregnant, macam biasa as an excited new mom yang ada banyak masa kat tangan (compared to nanti bila dah ada anak), I started googling and reading and studying everything.

Banyak benda yang aku dah baca dalam masa 6 bulan kebelakangan ni. Of course, baca sesuatu tak sama dengan melalui sesuatu, tapi aku suka untuk lebih bersedia (however little) nak menghadap kehidupan yang akan totally berubah lepas ni.

Ni list senarai benda yang aku sedang/sudah/kena baca:

Pregnancy

• Check-up klinik - what to expect
• Apa simptom normal dalam setiap trimester
• Bila kena pergi hospital
• Apa yang boleh dimakan & tak boleh dimakan
• Vitamin tambahan apa yang perlu ambil
• Kegel exercise
• Perineal massage - untuk kurangkan koyakan ketika bersalin
• Amalan ketika mengandung

Bersalin

• Apa tanda-tanda bersalin
• Proses bersalin - ada 3 stages of labour
• Apa tanda-tanda yang memerlukan C-section
• Kaedah yang ada untuk mengurangkan sakit contraction
• Doa/ayat Quran yang boleh dibaca untuk kurangkan sakit contraction
• Breathing technique
• Cara meneran

Alternatively boleh join Antenatal Class untuk persiapan bersalin, aku plan nak join kelas di Andorra bulan Disember ni, tapi malangnya aku rasa kelas antenatal dia semua cancel lepas kes COVID naik mencanak.

Breastfeeding

To be honest, breastfeeding ni ceritanya sangat panjang & sangat overwhelming. Rata-rata kita ingat it's natural, baby keluar terus pandai menyusu rupanya TAK ye. I won't even try to list down things to read sebab BANYAK SANGAT. Ramai yang fail breastfeeding sebab kurang ilmu dan pengalaman, belum cerita yang tertekan waktu berpantang sebab isu breastfeeding.

Lagi mudah untuk aku suggest, korang join laa mana-mana breastfeeding class SEBELUM baby lahir, especially kalau plan untuk menyusu badan sepenuhnya. Aku join kelas Antenatal Breastfeeding Workshop, online je oleh Dr Nurhaya. Ilmu & support yang diterima sangat berbaloi dengan harga kelas, as compared to bila aku try belajar sendiri-sendiri dekat Google & Facebook groups yang akhirnya memeningkan otak aku sendiri.

Lepas habis tempoh kelas antenatal bf tu, aku dimasukkan dalam Facebook support group. Yang aku tak sangka & sangat bersyukur ialah Dr Nurhaya kemudiannya ada buat satu kelas live dengan Dr Rohayu, pakar O&G. Dr Ayu ni terangkan pulak tentang proses bersalin & what to expect. Lepas ni akan ada satu kelas live lagi tentang Caesarian section pulak. Kiranya aku tak dapat pergi kelas antenatal tu, diganti sedikit laa dengan kelas online ni tanpa perlu bayar apa-apa extra lagi dah. Bersyukurrrr sangat.

Okay sambung sikit lagi:

Early childhood development

• Cara nak jaga/soothe baby masa umur 0-3 bulan: sangat recommended untuk follow FB page Baby Language. Boleh juga baca buku Happiest Baby on The Block by Harvey Karp
• Parenting style - buat masa sekarang aku baca & focus on Positive Parenting
• Montessori education - yang paling buat aku tertarik, komponen penting yang boleh dibuat di rumah ialah practical life skills
• Buku untuk education baby
• Toys untuk merangsang development baby
• Kesihatan & keselamatan baby - aku baru beli Ebook Formula Kecemasan untuk Si Kecil, baru je launch, ditulis oleh 3 doktor/MO kanak-kanak

Ni baru part knowledge/benda yang perlu dibaca, itupun belum complete lagi. Belum bahagian barang yang perlu disediakan untuk menyambut bayi haha. Lagi-lagi first time mom macam aku ni, semua benda aku nak kena baca & prepare.

Anyway untuk barang baby, bagi aku dua ni penting untuk dibaca:

• Pemilihan carseat - please jangan pilih yang murah-murah je, especially kalau berulang-alik jauh dengan anak hari-hari (aku bakal drive sejam sehari dengan baby nanti). Tambahan jugak, sila belajar cara yang betul untuk pakaikan anak carseat, sebab kalau setakat ada carseat tapi pemakaian salah, anak masih tak selamat ye kalau berlaku kemalangan. Sangat-sangat penting dan sila make sure ada carseat sebelum baby lahir pun.
• Cara babywearing yang betul - ni untuk mereka yang nak beli carrier untuk bawak anak jalan-jalan. Sila beli carrier yang ergonomic/hip-healthy, hipseat carrier yang banyak dijual tu tak sesuai untuk tumbesaran tulang/posture anak & jugak tak selesa sebenarnya untuk parents pakai.

Okay tu je laa setakat ni, ini pun dah panjang sangat. Maybe dari masa ke semasa aku slow-slow share apa yang aku tahu, especially lepas dah praktiskan kat baby sendiri (nanti kena kecam pulak, eleh belum ada anak belum rasa belum tahu laa huahua). Banyak info-info ni boleh Google, join FB group, follow FB page, follow IG dan Telegram group yang berkaitan, selain join online course/beli buku.

Ilmu tu ada merata luasnya, zaman sekarang ni di hujung jari je. So belajar laa supaya kita boleh jadi ibubapa yang lebih bersedia insyaAllah..

Doakan aku ye, lagi 2 bulan nak bersalin ni, tak tahu nak explain feeling nervous dan excited ni aaaaaaaa. Okbai!

Life update

Ya Allah lamanya tak bukak blog. Selama ni membebel kat twitter je.

Now I'm married and pregnant (18 weeks today!), rasa macam banyak benda yang nak dibebelkan dan rasa better tak cerita kat Twitter 😅

Takut orang condemn 'eleh baru je kahwin, cakap je banyak kau tunggu laa setahun dua lagi' 'eleh baru je pregnant, cerita cam best je, nanti anak dah keluar kau tahu ler'

Aku tak pasti laa orang ingat bila aku baru kahwin aku baruuuu terfikir benda-benda pasal alam perkahwinan dan parenting ni ke haha. Truth be told being married was one of my 'ambition' masa sekolah menengah dulu, then selepas uni dan kiciwa bercinta aku malas nak fikir sangat dah.

Tapi kalau Tuhan dah kata jodoh, siapalah boleh menghalang kuikuikui.

Anyway, lepas ni aku rasa aku nak start sharing balik apa yang aku belajar. Aku tahu aku tak cukup belajar lagi and experience-wise memang zero habis laa, so aku boleh share teori je. Tapi aku rasa, better laa belajar teori dan ada ilmu untuk digunakan insyaAllah bila tiba masanya daripada tak belajar apa-apa langsung.

Of course apa yang aku share nanti tak boleh nak apply pada semua situasi, as we know every marriage is different, every child is different. Manusia ni kompleks dan apa-apa yang berkait dengan soal manusia takde one size fits all.

Tapi, aku share je laa apa yang aku belajar ye.

Harap tak dimaki atau dicerca 'perasan best' kat sini lol. Aku takde niat nak condemn sesiapa. Most of the time aku menulis (tak kisah di blog, FB, Twitter, IG etc) semua untuk puaskan hati sendiri je dan takde halakan ke siapa-siapa.

Maybe next post aku cerita tentang persiapan menyambut baby in terms of physical, mental, emotional, financially insyaAllah.

For now, aku nak sambung study dulu haha.

Wish me luck!

Content.

It has been a whirlwind.

Early this year I had both feet firmly on the ground, and now.. I wouldn't say I'm on cloud nine, but I guess I could say that the future that I've dreamt of is starting to take shape.

It has been a crazy rollercoaster ride.

I find myself smiling for no reason again.

I find it crazy that the cumulation of my years has come to this.

But at the same time, I know that I have matured somehow because I have not lost my sanity. I can carry my hopes and dreams and prayers and also truly believe that Allah will guide me along the way and Allah will only give what's best for me.

Also, if He doesn't give me this, imagine what better option He has in store for me..? That thought, in all honesty, is what's keeping me giddy with excitement.

I know the road along the way will be tough. And I will cry every now and then. But I guess I find peace and strength in that too.

I pray that Allah keeps my heart where it currently is, or even if it changes, it changes for the better. It has been short but a powerful lesson. Alhamdulillah <3

Feelings

Lama tak update blog, in Malay some more. But I need an outlet to write that is not Twitter. Some place yang sangat jarang orang stumble upon.

Excuse my rojak language but this is one post I don't want to proofread too much.

This has been quite a day. My morning was spent feeling empty inside and trying to get rid of the feeling. Trying to psycho myself into doing work and despite my brain being unable to function with the awful hollow feeling, I got some work done. So yeay me.

Why the awful hollow feeling...?

Because I'm trying to empty myself of feelings. So I don't feel hopeful. Or desperate. Or falling into something which I don't have control over.

Because demmit I need some amount of control for the next 2 weeks or so.

By evening that awful emptiness disappears from the core of my body - I did some more work that managed to distract me and finally forced myself to eat something substantial and also, got mad over HLP application - so I managed to feel like myself again.

Except there's still that lingering feeling, like there's a hole in my heart.

I have never felt like this before. Ever.

And here I thought feeling butterflies in my tummy and a fluttering heart is something like a malady, or maybe even a nightmare.

I felt zero butterflies. Zero flutters.

Only a sense of complete serenity. Comfort, like coming home to someone you have long missed.

This is getting quite cheesy. And this is why I need to pen this down.

Hopefully, if I can get it out of my system and see it in written words like this, I'd see just how ridiculous it sounds. And laugh at myself for being so melancholic.

So far it's working.

I am kinda proud of myself for having such control. 5, 6 years ago I could never have done this.

Maybe time does teach you a thing or two.

And thank you Allah, for this relief and respite you gave me. It is still astounding how quickly He answers my doa. Each and every one of them.

After all, He knows best. I regret nothing and I am grateful for everything.

Alhamdulillah ❤️

Learning Korean (한국어를 배우기) #1

Wow. It's been 7 months since I last updated this blog.

Life got in the way, I literally don't know what to say, bla bla bla.

Now I get to a point where I need to update this blog again - to track my progress.

Anyway - update.

I've been able to read 한글 (Korean alphabet/writing system) since 2015... I think? That was when I first visited Seoul. I bought a Korean language book with the full intention of learning the language before going - back then I have never even watched a Korean drama, not even Running Man, lol.

I only remember learning the alphabet on the actual plane to Seoul, and by the time I touched down, I sorta can read the language. Read, by slowly spelling the characters, and yes I was still bad at pronouncing them.

The Korean alphabet is really not hard to learn - like I did, you can learn it on the flight to Seoul itself (like a 7-hour journey from KL). But reading with the correct pronunciation, boy.. You're going to need a lot longer than that to be able to say things properly.

Why..? Well, let me just say the Korean language is very logical and yet it has its own crazy rules.

I guess, we must've felt the same way when we first learned English.

And that thought exactly, is what is keeping me motivated/determined to learn the language. Because I did learn a second language, didn't I..? And I consider myself fairly fluent in English.

Why I chose Korean as my 3rd language?
- Because I already learned to read the alphabet
- Because out of the 3 character-ish languages (Korean, Japanese, Mandarin), Korean is widely considered as the easiest
- Because I think the language is the cutest, seriously lol

And also.. I think the learning materials for Korean is easier to find than Japanese (hello Kdramas!). And I already tried to learn Mandarin in my university year once and dropped the class before the semester finishes lol. I felt it was THAT hard.

I've been keeping at my Korean lessons for the past month. I think I'm doing okay...... The lessons are getting harder and my brain is so scrambled from trying to learn to read, memorizing new words, understanding new sentence structures and word conjugations, and trying to pronounce things correctly with the confusing k kk gg omg.

Hangeul, if anyone's interested.

But hey, at least I'm quite lucky in the sense that when I'm tired from studying, I get to just watch whatever Kdrama or Running Man and consider that my learning session lol. And more often than not, I do learn something still, even just passively.

Maybe I'll share how I've been learning Korean.. It has not been an easy journey so far but I don't want to be a quitter (I've already quit at least 3x trying to learn the language before this zzz), so I'm keeping at it.

I really hope I can make somewhat a good progress.

Now what I really need is a proper teacher to correct my pronunciations.........

Till next time. Bye!

Kashmir in Spring #4 - Saffron, Pahalgam, & Mini Switzerland

Selamat Hari Raya! Tengah makan daging korban ke tuuuuuu :P

It's getting harder and harder for me to finish this travel series adui.

I will type in rojak Malay-English laa ye. I can't for the life of me paksa diri taip completely Malay or completely English.

So sambung from last entry, we checked out from out houseboat in Lake Nigeen and said our goodbyes to babuji, and off we go to Pahalgam.

Trying to get that perfect picture on shikara is actually quite tough

The snow-capped mountains from afar

<3

My partner in crime.

Ramai pakcik shikara yang datang nak menjual. Ada yang jual bunga, nak promote gambar diorang,
nak offer ambil gambar kita, jual souvenirs. Macam-macam.

On the way to Pahalgam, berhenti sini cari saffron.

Rustic

Saffron

5 Korean skincare methods

Okay, so in this entry aku nak share Korean skincare methods yang aku tahu atau pernah try. Weehuuu.

Methods dalam entry ni lebih kepada cara nak guna skincare, bukan tentang brand apa yang famous atau ingredient apa yang effective. Yang tu maybe aku akan share di lain entri (kalau ada masa T.T)

1) 4-2-4 Cleansing Method

First ever method yang aku jumpa. Method yang diamalkan Bae Suzy (Korean actress & singer) untuk betul-betul bersihkan muka. If you guys tak tahu, cleansing ni sangat penting dalam Korean skincare philosophy. Kalau tak bersihkan kulit betul-betul, pores boleh tersumbat & whatever serum/actives yang kita apply lepas tu pun tak boleh absorb dengan cemerlang. That's why cleansing is very important. Beza kan dengan Malaysians, asyik nak cari serum yang best je untuk fix all skin issues, patutnya fix your cleansing first! :P

What you need: oil cleanser & any kind of water-based cleanser

How to do it:
1) Massage cleansing oil kat kulit selama 4 minit
2) Tanpa membilas, apply water-based cleanser directly atas kulit selama 2 minit
3) Basuh muka selama 2 minit dengan air suam untuk remove both the cleansers, lepas tu bilas lagi dengan air sejuk selama 2 minit untuk 'improve blood circulation & complexion'

Bonus: how to massage your skin. Source: Google.

Did I try it: hell no. Ain't nobody got 10 minutes just to wash your face ahahaha

Recommended?: Maaaaaybe untuk orang yang pakai heavy/thick makeup. Otherwise, just normal double cleansing without the fancy 4-2-4 method will already work wonders.


2) 7-Skin Method

Skin ni bukannya bermaksud kulit tau. Di Korea, 'skin' merupakan nama lain untuk toner. Ye, Koreans ni memang pelik sikit. Sama laa dengan Japanese pun, diorang tak pakai term toner.

Mini glossary:
Malaysia & the rest of the world: toner
Korea: skin
Japan: lotion

Padahal semuanya texture yang sama, iaitu seperti air ('watery'). Dari segi function, toner ni ada pelbagai function actually, nanti kat entri lain aku cerita T.T but in this method, skin atau toner yang digunakan ialah jenis hydrating toner.